who i was before

was an invisible student, who like to sleep during lessons; who like to spend school break alone. enjoyed library so much. skipped "tata busana" lesson to sleep in an empty classroom. starred outside school windows and day-dreaming.

was a quiet kid. sweet and shy girl. a forgiving child. didn't know jokes and how to dress. didn't like gossiping. avoided crowd. living in my own world.

had 7th grade class twice. got 4 in english test. didn't like to study. didn't know how to write in ms.word until university. never been in Mall/plaza until age 18. didn't like to brush my teeth or wash my hair. slept under the bed. passive and kept silence.

so where is she now?

Complicated me

not because my childhood friends' said that wearing clothes or bag with big brand attached on it, not original, (nike, billabong, guess, dolce'n gabbana etc) is considered cheap, then i don't like either.

not because my friends said it's gross to "buang ingus" so that i'm afraid of doing it. hey.. i got flu almost every month.

some times i think what will people think about this and that.
many times i think what will people think if i do this and that.
each time i blame my self of thinking too many.

but there are times when my mind is blank and i hate myself why.
hmm..

Reuni 60thn SMP St. Maria Surabaya

Teman-teman Alumni SMP Santa Maria Surabaya Angkatan '75 - '95, mari bernostalgia bersama kawan lama dan mantan para guru kita, selagi masih ada waktu

Waktu: Minggu, 3 Augustus 2008 / 18.00 - 22.00 Wib
Tempat: Graha Family & Conuntry Club, Jl. Raya Golf Graha Family

UNDANGAN TERBATAS, hubungi:

- SMP Santa Maria (031-6037.1008/031-5677890 Ext. 115-116)
- Ibu Diana (081.830.1072) / Ibu Theresia (0818.0322.9962 / 031-7050.0918)

Harga undangan sebesar Rp. 175.000,00

Kunjungi juga! Open House SMP Santa Maria pada tanggal 6 Agustus 2008, 07.00 - 13.00, di SMP Santa Maria Surabaya

BAZAAR & PENTAS SENI
Jumat-Sabtu / 8-9 Agustus 2008
Jam 09.00 - 21.00
Tmp: SMP Santa Maria Sby

Seminar Pendidikan
Sabtu, 9 Agustus 2008
Jam 07.30 - 12.30
Tmp: Aula Lt.4 SMA Santa Maria

"where'd you go.. i miss you so.."

i don't know what had happened. i miss you, my little one.

it hurts me so bad, thinking you weren't here with me.
i really really miss you.

kinds of dream i hate

again i had this dream. i saw my new little one lying still. it terribly makes me worry.

a friend said "leave it on life. you are like this because everyday you expect this to happen."

i don't know what to do. I'm afraid to love, and to cry, again.
it's been 5 months i join a class at local church. it's all about sins, cross of life, forgiveness, life after death, kingdom of heaven....till now, the lessons don't satisfy my questions.

i don't know what to believe. my hearts. my logic. the reality.

I am Aries

The Daredevil

Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.

my EQ test result

http://quiz.ivillage.co.uk/uk_work/tests/eqtest.htm

here is my result, as I have predicted before. hehe...
what do you think?

...being hard to others...

Some friends and colleagues said that I have a hard personality. Not strong, just hard. I won't deny it.

if people make mistakes, i tend to do nothing and let them finish it them selves.
if people hurts my feeling, i tend to remember it and when i get a chance, i will return the pain.
if people makes me angry-disturbed-waste my time, i tend to confront them with no doubt.

and hundreds other.

is that mean that I'm rude? not easy to forgive and forget? can't take critics?

whatever! live is hard. the lessons are not always nice and smooth. i had it before. so other people must have it too. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

Spiritual Quotient

As continuation of my previous post on EQ, I read more and found about "SQ”.

EQ, we are told, accounts for more than 85% of exceptional achievement. Research shows that the more complex the task, the more important is one’s EQ. Results of a variety of studies provide us with some stunning figures. The top 1% of programmers in the IT industry for example had 1300% higher productivity than their peers. While technical skills were necessary here, they were hardly sufficient. The differentiators were elements of emotional intelligence displayed through collaboration and teamwork. Harvard professor and leadership guru Warren Bennis claims that in every case of leadership failure he has encountered it is always character and judgment that have led to the problem. Character and judgment are the result of EQ.

The hallmarks of EQ are Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness and Social Skills. Those with high EQ are motivated, self-disciplined, aspire to excellence, continually seek re-skilling and learning and add value. These qualities sustain long term business development and build strong corporate cultures that promote high morale and prevent loss of talent...”

“…Now we have SQ (Spiritual Quotient). While IQ allows us to think and EQ helps us relate, SQ allows us to do both these things during times of rapid change. IQ & EQ were sufficient in a relatively static world. SQ provides the linkage in times of paradigm shift and chaos.

Those with high SQ have the capacity to question, think creatively, change the rules, and work effectively in changing situations by playing with the boundaries, break through obstacles and being innovative. Our SQ encourages us to see the bigger picture, to be co-creators of the world in which we live.

While IQ allows us to analyze what “is” - the traditional role of academia - and EQ helps us to adapt to the world as it changes, it is SQ that has us transform our world into a whole new order of being. The way to develop our IQ is quite different to that which develops our EQ, which is different again to that which develops our SQ…”

my EQ

Lately I realize that I got angry in a matter of second, just for a simple little thing such as someone forgot to trash his tissue paper and left it on my desk; so I begin to find solution how to coup with this negative feeling. Is there any course or discussion group of people with this disturbed emotion meet and share every week?

Today I got disturbed again so I google to find the explanation of EQ.

“…out-of-control emotions can make smart people ineffective.

What are EQ Strengths?

How do you score according to Goleman's list of what characteristics determine how successfully you handle impulse and deal with upsets? Do you have the following attributes?

1. Self Control: Are able to manage disruptive emotions and impulses effectiveness.

2. Trustworthiness: Display honesty and integrity

3. Conscientiousness: Dependable and responsible in fulfilling obligations

4. Adaptability: Flexible in handling change and challenges

5. Innovation: Open to novel ideas, approaches, and new information.

And how are you when people give you feedback? (Or indeed are you even open to accepting feedback?)

What we are effectively talking about is emotional maturity; an openness, willingness and self-confidence to develop and grow, to be mature in how we handle others and ourselves.

In business for example it is the ability to step aside from your emotional reaction in an upsetting circumstance and look logically at what actually happened - and sometimes being that honest can be very confronting! However it enables you to see where the other person is coming from, and what you need to do to fix things.

I'm tempted to conduct EQ test to find out my score. While for my IQ score, it was 114. i got it when i was in High School. But I think my EQ is below normal. hehehe..

How’s your EQ?