i present you.... CIKO

CIKO, <1>

"Marley"

I bought this book last week when i was in Tunjungan Plaza SBY with my "culun" friends. There is a first version but since the price is IDR 54.000 i think twice. So saat aku liat ada sekuelnya seharga 37 rb, lsg kubeli. Sempet baca baru kemaren, and i was like... touched.

i think its a true story. meski aku g suka kl di terjemahkan jadi bhs indonesia gaul, overall aku suka dgn kisahnya. baru chapter 3, but i feel like aku pgn bgt ngeblog to tell how i feeel.

John, owner si anjing dan author buku ini menceritakan dgn gaya yg lucu, penuh kasih dan apa adanya. Dia cerita bgmana dia memilih Marley dari peternakan anjing, malam pertama dgn puppy itu,gmn si Marley menangis ketakutan dirumah barunya dan jauh dr saudara2 dan ibunya.

Tentang kenakalan2 Marley. Saat dia menemukan keasikan baru dirumah barunya, yaitu tissue toilet. John dan istri kewalahan.Di bagian ini aku berhenti baca. dan blm kulanjutkan lg.

It reminds me of my beloved one. Maxi di th ke 4 melakukan hal yg sama. suka nggondol tisu entah yg dimeja, di tas, ato di lantai u/dikunyah di bwh kolong t4 tdr. Saat itu aku kuatir dia nelan tissu akan sakit, jadi kumarahin dan kupukul dikit spy dia mau lepas tissunya.

Now i feel so bad. i wish..
Then suddenly pagi td tetangga kos ngetok pintu dan blg"aku punya surprise u/ mbak Mariza".A puppy! Panic, i said.. waduh aku kerja gini kl siang sapa yg ngurus". gpp aku,mbak. "ok."

weleh. jadi sambil siap2 ke kantor, aku bingung cari kain2, kotak makan dan minum. pas mau brkt, dia nangis2. akhirnya kutitipan tetangga yg tadi kasih. aku blm blg anton, apa dia mau pelihara anjing kecil. kami biasa kasih mkn anjing abg, tp sekembali dr sby kmrn dia ilang. aku sedih tp mau gmn lg, tetangg kos pada g suka krn dia sering curi sandal dan digigit sampe rusak.
and for the boy-puppy.. aku blm ada nama. any suggestion?

bad.. bad thoughts

kadang aku pgn banting barang2. ada waktunya aku pgn bunuh seseorg. kl ada org nungging, gmn ya kl aku tendang. eh org nyebrang jln raya, dorong ke arah truk/bis ah.

pernah pgn tau rasanya nyuri hape ato duit. shabu2 ky apa sih? cowok itu looks great in bed. "bodoh, salah sdiri." gmn kl org itu (g kenal) kutimpuk batu. males ah byr utang. pasti i feel better kl bisa nyalahin someone. mobil ini kugores ah (lewat parkiran). kl keramik ini kupecahin..

and many more.
ask your self, do u ever feel n think the same?

hi..

hello
what are u doing
where are you
at home
i want..
really?
don't. me too
when?
when we meet
is there no one?
..you
you?
some..
safe?
no
you must
well.. once there's..
then?
yea..
hmm.. me too
really? shouldn't
and who!!?
..
see u then

Harga Sebuah Keteledoran

pernah gak kamu mikirin ini? kalo karena blg/mikir > "lupa", "lho iya ya", "waduh, shrsnya aku td", "ah ga perlu", "ah nanti aja".. bisa membawa penyesalan ato kesusahan u/kamu ato org lain.

dibawah aku mencoba mengkategorikan bbrp keteledoran ato kesalahan berdsrkan besar-kecil akibatnya:

1.ringan:

• g bw payung, ya kehujanan
• kunci ketinggalan, hrs jauh2 balik kantor/rumah lg
• blm jg psn kue, saat pesta kelabakan
• males bw baju ganti, akhirnya masuk angin
• gengsi bilang cinta, kekasih hati yah kesamber org lain
  

2.sedang:

• lupa nutup pintu, kemalingan deh
  
• lupa matiin gas kompor, bisa jadi kebakaran
• lupa bawa dompet n identitas, bisa kena tahan/tilang
• lupa gak kirim report, bisa kena SP 1 dari kantor
• cuekin peringatan dokter, stroke kumat, kena serangan jantung
• g blg sorry, hilang sebuah persahabatan/hubungan
  

3.berat:

• g pake sabuk pengaman, kl tabrakan bygkan aja
  
• mengacuhkan peringatan menara, pswt bisa tabrakan
• lupa pake kondom, bisa hamil
• menyepelekan jumlah penumpang, kapal bisa tenggelam
• salah itung 1 inchi, gedung bisa roboh saat gempa
• salah prediksi, bisa kepanggang dlm bunker
• gak kunci gembok pengaman, truk kayu gelondongan jatuh nimpa org2

Jadi lain kali.. bnr2 mikir 2x ya seblm berbuat sesuatu. hal2 kecilpun kl diacuhkan, bisa membuat kamu sedih, marah, kerepotan, nyusahin, bahkan membunuh org ato dirimu sdiri. Ada sebab, ada akibat. Kamu mungkin g akan dpt second chance lg. Believe me.. Menyesal itu gak enak!!!

Pleasure vs Happiness

membedakan antara kesenangan dan kebahagiaan.
is it a matter of period of time?

if it's short then it must be pleasure.
if it's for a long time, then it's got to be a happiness.

true?

short = lust?, long = desire?
how will i differentiate them? don't i deserve my happiness since it's started from small thing?

now i want it. there's someone i want. and he wants it too. should i?
but i made my promises. could i?
small fun will sometimes destroy happiness. but i will surely be happy if i have fun.

So?

We are going to die.

I'm so afraid. I was taking a ferry from Bali to Java. I was taking a plane from Java to Bali. How if the ferry goes down? How if the plane crashes?

Got trapped inside. Unable to move or save my life. Water everywhere and enter my lungs. I wouldn't be able to breathe, to escape.

Where will i go when i die? Is it world among death in earth, where you wake up and find yourself alone in a strange surrounding, ghosts, fearful faces, dark places... horrors. Or is it in a bright, white place with flowers, birds, the one who left you before, grandparents, beautiful faces... peace.

And i haven't said goodbyes to my lover, family. Since death takes the chance away. How about my career? And will i go to hell? For my sins.

If i would meet you in my death, Maxi... then it's ok. 7 of us would be together again.

But.. WHAT HAPPEN WHEN I DIE?

Friend of a friend.

I like you. But I've chosen someone.

My sister's Wedding

sabtu kmrn nikahnya kakakku, pernikahan pertama dari garis keluarga mama. she's now married, she has been catholic since 2 years ago, following her partner. subuh kami ( aku, kakak, mama, maria -pcr adikku yg jadi pengapit n tante - ibu mempelai pria - Ricky) ke salon u/make up and hairdo.

dia pake wig kriwul panjang 3 warna, pake softlens, n make up'nya sungguh cantik. dasarny idung bangir, muka mungil n mata bulat.. dia bnr2 kaya barbie. many people then said that. dgn gaun pengantin dan kerudung putih, keliatan anggun bgt, serasi sama maria. aku n mama pake gaun merah maroon, sm ky ibu mempelai pria.

trus kita kembali ke penginapan ( beautiful house disewakan u/ umum) u. temu manten. disana keluarga besar dah nunggu. sepupuku nyeletuk "mbak, np sih kok jalannya mundur?". kujwb "lah malah td aku mau ngusulin jalan kebalik aja" wuehehe.. dah adatnya spy jgn tatapan muka dulu. pernikahan ini pake adat cina dan nikah gereja, so its totally new for all of us (dr sisi wanita).

then ahead to church. a holy, big and beautiful church. Gereja Redemptor Mundi di dukuh kupang. krn ini simple aja, jadi total tamu n keluarga cuma 50. mama-papa keliatan tegang pas sakramen nikah. aku g keliatan kedua mempelai krn membelakangi'ku. gantian aku yg nyeletuk " mar, kok gak ky di tipi2 ya? Yes i do, ciuman trus buyar".. "heh, apa, ce? aku ngantuk bgt", dasar, garing deh. pas sungkeman, mempelai wanita ribet sm gaunnya. "sana loh, mar. bantuin, kan kamu pengapitnya." iy, ce, aku soale pegel, baju ini sesek, bikin sakit". (yeah i can imagine that)

photo session berjalan lancar. aku liat mata papa merah abis nangis. (emang beliau rada melankolis). dikit gangguan krn org KUA dtg, lalu mereka upacara bntar di blkg Altar. trus semua digiring ke restoran Ye Lay. sompret! makanan blm siap, apalg minumannya. tpaksa aku n tante bukain semua soft drink, tuang ke gelas n kasih es. Pelayan2 geblek! Amatir! 30 menit kemudian makanan br keluar. Senewen, aku yg dimarahin kakakku n suruh nguber2 org di dapur. Manager sempet naik ngecek g tau ngapain.

Untung makanan enak. jam 12.30 semua ludes n keluarga mempelai pria plg Malang. kami balik penginapan n tidur sampe sore. hehe.. WHAT A GREAT WEDDING! kakakku lalu blg " la, sbnrne aku pgn lempar buket bunga ke kamu, tp tibak'e abot ( berat). lak ketimpuk iso semaput". hehe.. gpp. (photo diatas itu aku dgn masih pake sisa make up.)

Loosing The One

(to my friend whose sad now)

Still hurt.

I guess you, my friends, have read my posts about my love one in benangruwet, friendster, and ruwetbanget. And now, or was, you experience the same thing. To some, and maybe you, it's different case. Because you point on the subject. But to me.. i believe.. i bear the same sadness, regret, and guilt with yours. LOSING THE ONE YOU LOVE. no matter its human or..

Still mad.

Why? If only..? those are words i keep asking myself till now. I didn't get anything from regretting the past, blaming myself and cursing God. Only pain. Same pain.

Still can't let go.

How? when?.. i don't know. Just don't lose faith and heart. It keeps me standing. Hope you too, dear. God does it all in purpose. And He is good.

Still remember
Of course. Don't forget they who left you. Don't refuse to remember because you feel that it's too painful. It brings tears ALL the time i remember him. But it's ok. It means that i still love him. And i think he doesn't want to be forgotten either. Cry! anytime you want to. Crying doesn't mean that i'm weak. I just miss him.

So, be strong. Cry if you want! Then wipe it and move on life.

Friendship Thing

Months ago, i had a problem with the word friendship. Here you can read http://benangruwet.blogspot.com/2007_01_01_archive.html. Then it strikes my head. Be logic, za. Calm down. Look back into yourself. Have you been a good one to your friend? Do you maintain your friendship in the way you want it from your friend? Have you treat them in the way you want to be treated the same?

Don't expect things you haven't give. Be rational. Aware that we all now work and may not have time to contact each other. We may forget. I do forget. But that doesn't meant that we are loosing friendship.

Yes some friends are suck! You may learn few things. I do.

I don't want this to go longer and make things worse. I will just directly say what i want to say. Yesterday i though it's merely a misunderstanding. But it's normal for friends even for years. Think deeper. Do we really know each other so well? No. And I never thought that i would blog it one day. But then it appears to be a must since this problem arouse and i do care about our friendship and doesn't want this misunderstanding continues.

It was my company villa. when i invite my friend, i should confirm the villa manager. And i invite you. And trust me on that. You smsed me more than 3 times. Was not that too much? So in your last sms, i said "ok, i will confirm it again to the manager" for you to feel sure and satisfied! What did i get? You said " i have to be professional. i can't just canceled my appointment with students" GOSH! i was shocked. You said previously that no matter what, you're still going since you already took a leave, canceled all lessons and made your mind to go to Bali. I don't want to argue and loose you as a friend so i left you to calm down and said "ok, up to you. if you wanna come, welcome." You lose your mood, ok. But who to blame, dear?

Another one is.. do you remember you once said where we're together in Er's room "im going to bali every year, with or without you, gals." we were planning to go to bali in july and you couldn't join. So there we went. And i'm asking now.. why do you feel abandoned, not invited for the trip we had last july?

And for Er's as centre of information. Its normal since she's the one who everyone can talk to. Realizing you don't get along well with Lus and Yul. And why Er again? She is the middle person, if you understand what i'm saying. She always, well mostly, organized all of our gathering. So its like an unwritten rule or agreement to make her as a headquarter. Where else we ever gather? Only in her house, rite? So don't feel like she is special or we treat her differently.

Last thing.. its not that we "mengadu" to each other. But friendship is like that. Misunderstanding needs to be fixed. Its bcoz WE CARE.

Please don't ruin it or mix it with the other problems you have with family or another bad experience with other friend. It might bcoz things happen in the same time. Calm your brain and emotion. Bad words would hurt your friends whose not involved. You may never notice but they remember.

About family.. its true that in the end, they are all we have. Glad that you finally understand it. I've gone to the process, and i love my family better. They are not perfect, but hey.. they are my family. I do.. no, we all do have our own family problems. You are not alone.

I hope you get what i mean, and understand. There's nothing wrong with our friendship now. We only need to talk, ask and share. To avoid misunderstanding and disappointments.

Love you