Similarity between me and Young-Do

Saat ini lg ngikutin serial TV korea terbaru "The Heirs". Second male lead namanya Young Do diperankan oleh Kim Woo Bin. Dicerita itu dia naksir Eun Sang yg menolaknya mentah2 bahkan u/ berteman sekalipun. Well, me too.

Aku naksir Suma. Dia tinggal di Borneo. Kontak kami cuma di Facebook dan sms aja. Kita dah kenal lama sblmnya dan ga pernah ktmu lg selama berthn2.

Kemaren kublg dia krn kita memiliki hobi sama yaitu traveling (yg mungkin krn itu jg kami memilih menjadi single), why dont we try to hook up? Dlm artian open relationship. No string attached. No status. Jlni hobi spt biasa. So simple kan? 

But he said NO. Fuck! Dimana sih susahnya? I want to hurt him. Really.

Tapi kl kupikir2 its not actually him yg bikin aku cinta ato terluka. Melainkan rasa itu sendiri. Aku memprojeksikan keinginan, hasrat dan cintaku ke seseorang, which is happened to be him. Saat dia menolak this "bundle of joy", aku jd merasa bingung dan sedih. Musti kubawa kmn "package" ini. Cari potensi baru (cowok yg qualified) ini yg males n repot.

Huh! I really want to hurt him. Kekanak2an ya! So I know how you feel, Choi Young Do.

Suma

Orang yang saat ini bisa bikin aku ketawa ga jelas dan gundah gulana. Aku kenal dia 11 thn yg lalu. Bertemu beberapa kali sesudahnya untuk waktu singkat, lalu sudah sekitar 8 thn ini ga ketemu lagi. Pendiam, ramah dan asik.

Well, aku dah bilang ke dia bln lalu kl sejak pertama ketemu ada rasa. Respon dia biasa aja. That's fine. Nothing serious. Aku juga ga tau mau gimana kalo seandainya dia jg suka. Rumit juga situasinya. And i know what i want for my future (i'll tell you later). Jadi mending gini aja. Ga perlu di follow up. I like him, that's good. Beri sedikit warna dan ombak dalam cerita hidupku until then.

----- UPDATE TODAY, 01 NOV

Semalam ku bilang dia kl aku mau sms dia tiap hari no matter what his response will be. Aku decide u follow my heart and do whatever makes me happy. Dia ga blg ya, atau tidak. Well, ini hari kedua dan aku sudah mulai ragu. Hahaha... Bukan krn imanku ga kuat, tp kupikir ini sesuatu yg bodoh. Lagi in love itu meresahkan. Ky org bego lho. Hp diliatin tiap detik. Bener2 ky abg. Dan apakah he's worth it? Aku dulu bbrp kali dlm situasi ini dan semua gagal. Just name it. Fancy, Aming... So, what's the difference with this one? Dammit! Should I take back my words?

Why

I can still remember you, my love. All of you.
The betrayal, pains and happiness you have given me.  

Both tears and laughters. I cannot forget.
You make me fear to feel.

I can not love anymore. I'm afraid.

Is this true?

Many times I asked myself whether I've made a right decision. That this is what I truly want. Not because of some reasons I can't explain here. I hurt him. I hurt his family. People that I care.

We divorce.

I miss him a lot sometimes until I cried. Home, Bali and everything without him are not the same anymore. Our dolie gets the impact too. We were happy together. But deep down in my heart, I know that this is not enough. I can't tell him how sorry I am. And that I do love him in a unique way. God, help us to get through this situation.