To let go...

Knowing the truth is easy. Accepting it is very difficult.
Struggle between heart and brain has been an ancient human problem.
Suddenly death theme arises everywhere.
Movies and stories tell the same. Kind of striking me in the head.

Should i continue life in fear? Or just being ignorant will ever help me?
Loosing something really matters and beauty; first time i had a so deep feeling...
On and on...
Crying... missing...questioning
To let go
Or keep you here

I'm pretending

sometimes it works. many times it doesn't.
it really hurts. like hundreds of butterflies in my stomach. like thousands of rocks inside my chest.

I'm still pretending.
that he's sleeping. he's hiding. he's playing outside. he's running somewhere.
whatever..
just to keep me calm. to keep the fear away. to ease the pain.

i'd never knew i would love like this again. even more and more.
i'd never imagined the farewell would come so fast. without a sign.
i can't believe it. i can't accept it.
I am pretending.

Still here

He's still here. He's not going anywhere. He's just playing at the field next door. He's just playing around, outside the house. He's not home yet. I can still see him anywhere here. I can still feel his presence.

He's special. He's very special. No one like him. No one will ever like him. I love him like i never love anyone. I fall in love since i first saw him.

My heart's really broken. My mind can't believe what happen. My body still reacts the way i used to be with him; when he's around.

But i believe he's still here. He's just not coming home yet. That's why i can't see him. That's why i can't be with him.

It's April 22nd