Suicidal Person

I'm a strangely logical person and very sensitive. One side I feel so sentimental, while on the other I think that what life really is; mean, cold and that shits happen. Yet, it's my second time thinking of committing a suicide. Not slicing my hand with a blade, drinking poison, bumping on a high speed truck, or jumping from the height of 150 m building. No, that will be so gross, painful and common. It should be clean and easy. I thought that it is much easier if I just die. Poof! This way I won't have to hurt everyone I love. Well, they will mourn for days, but life goes on. Because the problem is me. Not them. And I can't solve it. Nor telling them. I'm torn apart. I'm a drama queen. Still I want to die.

I will work on it.

Had a nice chat with my ex last week. He told me one important thing. Communication. I love my husband. Though I sometimes forget that. I choose him, so I must be committed. I don't want to hurt another good man. I will talk to him. Slowly. He is not easy for this kind of topic. I'll try harder. I've been acting stupid lately. I'll try to find a win-win solution. We are together, I'm happy, he's happy.