Loosing The One

(to my friend whose sad now)

Still hurt.

I guess you, my friends, have read my posts about my love one in benangruwet, friendster, and ruwetbanget. And now, or was, you experience the same thing. To some, and maybe you, it's different case. Because you point on the subject. But to me.. i believe.. i bear the same sadness, regret, and guilt with yours. LOSING THE ONE YOU LOVE. no matter its human or..

Still mad.

Why? If only..? those are words i keep asking myself till now. I didn't get anything from regretting the past, blaming myself and cursing God. Only pain. Same pain.

Still can't let go.

How? when?.. i don't know. Just don't lose faith and heart. It keeps me standing. Hope you too, dear. God does it all in purpose. And He is good.

Still remember
Of course. Don't forget they who left you. Don't refuse to remember because you feel that it's too painful. It brings tears ALL the time i remember him. But it's ok. It means that i still love him. And i think he doesn't want to be forgotten either. Cry! anytime you want to. Crying doesn't mean that i'm weak. I just miss him.

So, be strong. Cry if you want! Then wipe it and move on life.

Friendship Thing

Months ago, i had a problem with the word friendship. Here you can read http://benangruwet.blogspot.com/2007_01_01_archive.html. Then it strikes my head. Be logic, za. Calm down. Look back into yourself. Have you been a good one to your friend? Do you maintain your friendship in the way you want it from your friend? Have you treat them in the way you want to be treated the same?

Don't expect things you haven't give. Be rational. Aware that we all now work and may not have time to contact each other. We may forget. I do forget. But that doesn't meant that we are loosing friendship.

Yes some friends are suck! You may learn few things. I do.

I don't want this to go longer and make things worse. I will just directly say what i want to say. Yesterday i though it's merely a misunderstanding. But it's normal for friends even for years. Think deeper. Do we really know each other so well? No. And I never thought that i would blog it one day. But then it appears to be a must since this problem arouse and i do care about our friendship and doesn't want this misunderstanding continues.

It was my company villa. when i invite my friend, i should confirm the villa manager. And i invite you. And trust me on that. You smsed me more than 3 times. Was not that too much? So in your last sms, i said "ok, i will confirm it again to the manager" for you to feel sure and satisfied! What did i get? You said " i have to be professional. i can't just canceled my appointment with students" GOSH! i was shocked. You said previously that no matter what, you're still going since you already took a leave, canceled all lessons and made your mind to go to Bali. I don't want to argue and loose you as a friend so i left you to calm down and said "ok, up to you. if you wanna come, welcome." You lose your mood, ok. But who to blame, dear?

Another one is.. do you remember you once said where we're together in Er's room "im going to bali every year, with or without you, gals." we were planning to go to bali in july and you couldn't join. So there we went. And i'm asking now.. why do you feel abandoned, not invited for the trip we had last july?

And for Er's as centre of information. Its normal since she's the one who everyone can talk to. Realizing you don't get along well with Lus and Yul. And why Er again? She is the middle person, if you understand what i'm saying. She always, well mostly, organized all of our gathering. So its like an unwritten rule or agreement to make her as a headquarter. Where else we ever gather? Only in her house, rite? So don't feel like she is special or we treat her differently.

Last thing.. its not that we "mengadu" to each other. But friendship is like that. Misunderstanding needs to be fixed. Its bcoz WE CARE.

Please don't ruin it or mix it with the other problems you have with family or another bad experience with other friend. It might bcoz things happen in the same time. Calm your brain and emotion. Bad words would hurt your friends whose not involved. You may never notice but they remember.

About family.. its true that in the end, they are all we have. Glad that you finally understand it. I've gone to the process, and i love my family better. They are not perfect, but hey.. they are my family. I do.. no, we all do have our own family problems. You are not alone.

I hope you get what i mean, and understand. There's nothing wrong with our friendship now. We only need to talk, ask and share. To avoid misunderstanding and disappointments.

Love you

Today I dont ride

Hehehe..
mulai hari ini aku jalan kaki ke kantor. dari Lampu merah simpang siur sampe Kuta Galeria. it takes 15 minutes only, while 10 minutes by motorcycle (please consider the traffic light)

berkeringat lagi.
lama gak jalan n morning exercise gitu. si anton katanya mau jemput sore nanti. tp masih becanda aja. aku pengennya optimal. pp kantor jalan kaki trus.

hehe.. i enjoy it.
jalan santai liat mobil-motor2 lalu lalang, liat rumah, toko, bangunan yg selama ini kulewati ngebut naik motor dgn lebih seksama.

Take Life Slower.
karena dgn itu aku jadi ada waktu lebih u/ refleksi, mikir org lain, bersyukur dan semangat lg.

Luxury Breakfast

- beef burger
- French fries
- tomato
- sausage
- scramble egg
- green veggie
- chili sauce

since i bought a small fridge on January, i cooked various food and stored more. apalagi saat tmn kantor ngajakin ke a minimart specialized in imported beef, sausage etc in a cheap price (rejected quality). so i kept pastrami, nugget, scallop, hot dog sause, mayo, fries, meatball, cheese in fridge. every morning i cooked and mixed between yesterday and today's menu so that my BF won't get bored. simple and delicious of course, but heavy of fat!

Update from me after months

i can say that my personal life has been changing to a new era.

i get myself my first freelance job, salary increase, boyfriend, buy housewares, and a prospective future work-at-home job.

i cant say much about my love life. after blogging many times on my past love stories, i dont think i have the mood to write again. just let it flow.

my job now as e-commerce or web marketer in Exotiq Property Management in Kuta Galeria.
and someone has asked me to manage her villa in sanur. thinking and working hard to make this as my career.

my sister is getting married next month. me? nee.. maybe later 2 or 3 years. i want to do and buy many things first. so it will be ready then by the time i get married. and also i havent fell like going to married with this guy. still doubt. haha.. i tell you a bit about my love story eventually. You Got Me!

My SEO Projects

i have 2 seo projects now. i thought it would be exciting, but i kinda difficult in setting priorities and managing times.

i've got extra money and salary increase this month. i'm happy. my life seems progressing well. never been so clear as now. never been so challenged like now.

many sub projects included, such as blogging, submission, create forum, installing customer support, etc.

i bring office laptop home everyday, thinking would do the other project at home. but when i get there, all i do is sleeping. hehehe..

I still see you

Dreams are there to remind me for good memories once i had with you, as well as the bad. I can visualize you clearly. As if you are still here with me now. I can smell your odor, feel your hairs, hips and neck. As if i can just like that grab you to kiss and hug you.

It was always a strange dream. You were there but i couldn't catch you. In another dream where i couldn't see you, i felt your presence strongly that it left me a misery to recognize the agony. Is it because i miss you that much? YES.. YES, i miss you so much, dear.

If there's 1 thing in the world that makes me sad the most.. is longing you.
If there's 1 thing in the world that bring me tears.. is thinking of you.
If there's 1 thing in the world that frozen my lips.. is saying your name.

Do you ever forgive me? Do you ever think of me?
I can't let you go, till now. May God keep you in His arm.

Dah kerja lagi, kok.

Senin out. Senin in.
God is very good to His people.
Aku dah kerja di Exotiq Management. It gives service on Villa Holidays di Bali. ini websitenya http://www.exotiqvillaholidays.com

Senin apply. Rabu interview. Jumat ketrima. Senin kerja.
I'm so happy. I want to give His blessing to others too.

Emang gaji lebih rendah. Emang building lebih kecil. Emang pegawai lebih dikit.
TAPII...

Aku dapet full authorisasi on my job. Aku dapet hape. Aku dapet raise. Aku dapet a better career. Aku dapet bos yang baik. Aku boleh bawa hape, cd, headset dan bisa telp keluar.

Disini aku jadi web marketer. Aku punya plan2 internet marketing untuk companyku. Kl sesuai jadwal terlaksana, ini akan jadi my fix career. At last!

This is gonna be my pilot project.

Get fired. again.

Wekekekekekk...
(niru ketawa nasrul)

I dunno how to call my-not-being-work-again in GMSI. Is it fired or.. It just that they dont extend my contract that ends next monday, July 9.

Well.. merely because i walked out HRD room with rage and slammed the door, leaving the HRD manager yelling at me.

How?? Dated June 18 at 14.00 am. I was having a diarrhea that morning, taking 5 pills to eased my pain and stopped the xxxx. Had called the other manager (since my manager was absence) that i would come late to office. Felt better i came at 12.30 (half day yes). At 13.45 i filled in an office form stated that i come late that day and must be signed by HRD. So i walked in his room just to be asked to leave the office since its too late to work. WHAT THE FU**?! I debated him that i had phoned before 9, had come and able to work. Why should i disadvantaged company more by resting all day, but actually i could work anyway? I told him that my doctor is quite far and by the time i examined myself that nite, i would be ok. So why should i get a doctor letter? I had come to office meaning that i'm ready to work. (and why didn't he phoned me not to work, instead of waiting me coming to his room, at anytime??) Nearly 30 mins and out of my brain, i stood up and said " ok, then, i'll be home and get that doctor letter!". He called me and since i directly walked out without even minding to look back, he screamed " so you aren't really sick, huh?!"

Yesterday, monday 9 am i got that First Warning Letter. It happened that my doctor letter was rejected and i was assumed to be absence without notice. SH**! why now? why didnt he tell me that day? I protested to my manager and explained what really happened. They had meeting that noon and in the afternoon my manager said that it was finale and unnegotiable. OK. I will talk to HRD myself. and you know what? that bastard said to my manager that he didnt want to discuss it again, and bother to speak with me. FU** i told my manager that since June 18 he didnt even say a single word with me. coward! i thought that it was over and settled. DAM*!

at 5.15 i went down to go home and being stopped by manager to go to his room. He told me that my contract is not going to be extended. (early that morning he said that SP letter is bad for my appraisal but its ok. I must continue to work harder) so, what does it mean?

oh well.. PHK is not something new for me.
I just surprised that how come a mature person (above 40) could act childish and rude to others. He uses his power to eliminate those who "hurt" him.

Here i am. Jobless again. hehehe..

Musuh-musuhku

Hari ini aku dikalahkan musuh-musuhku.
aku terbawa emosi.
itu kelemahanku.

Tapi aku akan belajar.
lebih kuat. kendali diri. taktis.

Aku yakin mereka tertawa sekarang.
OK. kutelan harga diriku.
kubiarkan aku dipermalukan.

Tapi cukup hari ini saja.
Tidak besok. tidak lagi.
meski aku belum bisa membalas
Akan kutunjukkan bahwa aku tetap tegak dan tertawa.