Let's Save Bali Dogs

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Kurasa ini panggilan hidupku.

Sejak kecil aku membayangkan hidup bersama banyak hewan di sebuah lembah pegunungan. Gak ada visi keluarga disitu. No children. No husband. Jadi ketika aku keluar jalur, aku harus kembali. Aku memutuskan berpisah dgn suami dan gak ingin menikah lg.

10 tahun lagi aku akan pensiun dan pergi. Entah ke India, Tibet, Thailand ato Jogja dimana aku menjadi biksuni ato semacamnya. Hanya ada aku dan Tuhan. Atau ke pedalaman Kalimantan ato Sumatra dimana aku bisa berdedikasi untuk menyelamatkan hewan. Tapi gpp juga kl aku bisa punya shelter sendiri untuk menampung dan memelihara hewan2 terbuang.

Sementara itu aku akan menguatkan diri fokus dengan yg ada sekarang yaitu anjing2 di Bali. Ini adalah Facebook group yang kubuat 1 bulan lalu sejak aku menyadari bahwa itu yg ingin dan bisa kulakukan.

Silahkan bergabung!

Society makes me a fake person

I'll give you facts. And along with these, are also conclusion or assumption based on my perspectives and experiences.

1. I don't like some people because they have hurt me, but I still smile and talk to them when I meet them. Simply because they are my co-workers and I have to do it to keep the working environment conducive and avoid myself being childish or rude.

This relationship is fake. I'm fake.

2. Some friends don't like other friends, but they are still hangout together. It makes me wonder whether they do the same to me.

Then this relationship is just another fake.

Society makes me a sinner. Every time I do something (mostly) related to other people that goes wrong, I feel bad about myself. Envy. Lust. When I'm alone, I can be myself.

True, society in some occasions bring out the best in me. It gives me comfort, assurance, food, shelter, work, etc. I also agree that from relationship with people, I'll get to know myself better.  But it also draws the ugly part of me that when it appears, I'm shocked and disgusted with myself.

I don't want to re-marry. Nor sharing the house with someone else. If I'm going to live in the same roof with other people, it would be my family. People whom I've known from ages.

I'm ok with the way I live at the moment. I may not be complete and real. But at least, I don't fake it. I prefer to be alone and lonely than being fake.

My Bucket List

1. Places to visit:

• Ireland
• New Zealand
• Galapagos
• Peru

2. Things to do:

• Finish number 1 above :) for sure, right!
• Meet Dalai Lama

I think that's all. I don't ask much.

2014 - Wind of Change

After being "comfortably stuck" in Subak Dalam for 3+ years after the divorce, life forced me to step outside and take a leap of faith.

Early this year I lost my best friend for the past 6 years. He shared my rainy and sunny days. I raised him since he's a week old, my Dollie - the reason of many decisions I have taken. Since there were only 2 of us at home, I decided to give him 2 companions, Lady and Bonnie, so he wouldn't be lonely when I worked or traveled. I didn't want to move. I liked it in there.

But the situation that led him to pass away and some others, forced me to move out. I found a nice 2 bedrooms house in Mekar with a beautiful garden. I relocated there with the girls, closer to work and my brother. The rent of the new house is twice expensive. It's located in a complex which is much safer for a loner.

Well, who would expect that Bonnie soon gave birth to 3 amazingly cute puppies. I sterilized her soon after 2 months breastfeeding. Lady (older) is already sterile when I adopt her 2 years ago. The past 2 months was a struggle to me; whether to keep the babies or give them away. There are many considerations. Hard ones. So I left it to God, and now I end up raising all of them. Friends cancelled adopting two of them. Hmmm...It won't be easy but I'm ready. Then I bought a car in 4 years term loan.

Suddenly yesterday, there was news from my boss at the office that there will be company structure reshuffling. It hits us all.

I don't know, none of us know, how things will develop in next few months or years. I have responsibilities: my dogs, my loans in motorcycle and car, and house rent. That means only 3. No traveling. No traveling. No traveling.

I have to safe money, in case later on I have to find another job which I'm not sure will give me same salary as now. I have to think about my dogs. Not only my own pleasure. Its a big responsibility. That's why I don't want to have kids of my own.

Ok, what else will come this year? or next year?

Similarity between me and Young-Do

Saat ini lg ngikutin serial TV korea terbaru "The Heirs". Second male lead namanya Young Do diperankan oleh Kim Woo Bin. Dicerita itu dia naksir Eun Sang yg menolaknya mentah2 bahkan u/ berteman sekalipun. Well, me too.

Aku naksir Suma. Dia tinggal di Borneo. Kontak kami cuma di Facebook dan sms aja. Kita dah kenal lama sblmnya dan ga pernah ktmu lg selama berthn2.

Kemaren kublg dia krn kita memiliki hobi sama yaitu traveling (yg mungkin krn itu jg kami memilih menjadi single), why dont we try to hook up? Dlm artian open relationship. No string attached. No status. Jlni hobi spt biasa. So simple kan? 

But he said NO. Fuck! Dimana sih susahnya? I want to hurt him. Really.

Tapi kl kupikir2 its not actually him yg bikin aku cinta ato terluka. Melainkan rasa itu sendiri. Aku memprojeksikan keinginan, hasrat dan cintaku ke seseorang, which is happened to be him. Saat dia menolak this "bundle of joy", aku jd merasa bingung dan sedih. Musti kubawa kmn "package" ini. Cari potensi baru (cowok yg qualified) ini yg males n repot.

Huh! I really want to hurt him. Kekanak2an ya! So I know how you feel, Choi Young Do.

Suma

Orang yang saat ini bisa bikin aku ketawa ga jelas dan gundah gulana. Aku kenal dia 11 thn yg lalu. Bertemu beberapa kali sesudahnya untuk waktu singkat, lalu sudah sekitar 8 thn ini ga ketemu lagi. Pendiam, ramah dan asik.

Well, aku dah bilang ke dia bln lalu kl sejak pertama ketemu ada rasa. Respon dia biasa aja. That's fine. Nothing serious. Aku juga ga tau mau gimana kalo seandainya dia jg suka. Rumit juga situasinya. And i know what i want for my future (i'll tell you later). Jadi mending gini aja. Ga perlu di follow up. I like him, that's good. Beri sedikit warna dan ombak dalam cerita hidupku until then.

----- UPDATE TODAY, 01 NOV

Semalam ku bilang dia kl aku mau sms dia tiap hari no matter what his response will be. Aku decide u follow my heart and do whatever makes me happy. Dia ga blg ya, atau tidak. Well, ini hari kedua dan aku sudah mulai ragu. Hahaha... Bukan krn imanku ga kuat, tp kupikir ini sesuatu yg bodoh. Lagi in love itu meresahkan. Ky org bego lho. Hp diliatin tiap detik. Bener2 ky abg. Dan apakah he's worth it? Aku dulu bbrp kali dlm situasi ini dan semua gagal. Just name it. Fancy, Aming... So, what's the difference with this one? Dammit! Should I take back my words?

My work

I don't like talking about my job or what I do for living. It's just the same. Been working in IT industry since I was in university 13 years ago. Starting from web editor, SEO until now Project Manager & Account Manager at once.  I don't know what I will do without internet. Hahaha... I guess I will stay in this industry until ..well.. only God knows. I enjoy my work now. Good salary. Good environment. I can go travel.

Btw, I plan to start blogging again. I found Facebook is less comfortable and safe to share my stories. Actually I was planning to either delete the account, create a new one, remove some people, or just put people in categories.

Japan Trip 24 Sept - 01 Oct 2013: Toshogu Shrine, Nikko

The Main Entrance to Toshogu Shrine (Nikko Heritage Center). It is a complex of shrines and temples.

My hotel (ryokan) in Nikko was only 5 minutes walk to this place. I made the right choice :p. Coming here is also very easy if your hotel is quite challenging for walking. There are buses every 15 minutes. You can buy 1 day or 4 days bus ticket to reach all tourist destination in Nikko. This city is on mountain hill. Really beautiful and recommended to visit.


The entrance to one of the buildings. Best to visit before 9 am as after breakfast time tourists will come and swarm this location.

Some buildings are forbidden, no entrance. This one, we can only enter from the right side. Taking off sandals and shoes. No camera is allowed.

I met Kikiyo. They are few of them. I wonder if they have power like in manga stories of female monks?

Couple dipercaya kalau memutari lingkaran ini sebanyak 3x, masuk dan keluar dalam formasi 8, akan berjodoh atau awet. Sayangnya aku sendiri, jd cuma bisa ambil photo aja. :p Next time maybe I can come with someone special here?

 Mungkin di pohon keramat ini Inuyasha disegel.

Tambatkan harapan, shio dan hasil ramalanmu di gantungan ini. Bisa di balok kayu ini atau yang berbentuk dibawah ini.

Unik bentuknya. Ikat aja ramalan yg sudah kamu beli scr random di byk box yg tersedia (100 Y) disini.

Tips: Didalam area ga ada yg jual makan dan minum. Bawa minum dari hotel. Diluar area tepatnya di parkiran baru ada. Kedua, tempat sampah jarang ada di Jepang terutama di public space. Karena kurang umum org makan sambil jalan. Menghindari "nyampah" juga. Jadi taruh di tasmu. Di main building ada juru photo jg yg sediain service photo.

Japan Trip 24 Sept - 01 Oct 2013: Mount Fuji

Mount Fuji Information Center. The leaves have started to change colors. Too bad I arrived a week earlier. It will change to full multi colors then.

Mas ganteng. Huaaaa.. He was sitting next to me during the full day trip but I didn't exchange name and contact with him. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!






Mount Fuji 5th Station. It was foggy and crowded. Very cold! I had to wear my sweater. But I forgot to ask someone to take a picture of me. Hehe... Souvenir shops are heaven to me!

 







Entrance to the shrine. Met other Indonesians. I didn't say hi. Maybe I was just pretending to be a Japanese like they thought I am. Anyway, it's so foggy we couldn't see the summit of Mt.Fuji. Tour guide said it means that we have to come back to Japan again. Haha.. nice catch!

Why

I can still remember you, my love. All of you.
The betrayal, pains and happiness you have given me.  

Both tears and laughters. I cannot forget.
You make me fear to feel.

I can not love anymore. I'm afraid.